A place in my back twists painfully,
feeling like two ends of rope
pulling at a frayed knot in the middle.
My mind creeps,
lethargic.
I want to burst out of myself
like a hawk springing
full formed from an egg,
my cramped wings extended,
jagged bits of shell
slicing the air.
____________________________
My soul feels like a daffodil bulb,
buried deep in the frozen soil of my chest.
_____________________________
My throat throbs,
raw from sickness,
or maybe from a trapped scream,
fraying at the edges.
Now, I've never really been the type to languish. Distressing events or sudden challenges typically inspire determination rather than despair. But boredom has its own sneaking, leeching quality that surprised me in its tenacity. It didn't help that in a small town like Pengshan, there's not a whole lot to do in terms of activities, and so it was difficult to snap me out of it. In the end, there were two things that made me sit up and take notice: a disastrous weekend trip to Zigong and the Bamboo forest, and a facebook fad. First, the weekend trip:
Our first mistake was trying to travel on a three day weekend at all. When Brenna, James, and I began planning our trip to Zigong, we did not know that whenever there is a holiday in China, it provokes mass migrations throughout the country, especially to tourist destinations. When we arrived at the bus station in Chengdu on Friday, the entire place was a madhouse, so crowded that it was difficult to move. We then discovered that despite what we had read in our Lonely Planet guide, there was no bus to Zigong. There was, however, a bus that went directly to the Bamboo Sea. In a last-minute adjustment of our plans, We decided to first see the forest and then visit Zigong on our way back. In a flurry of activity, we bought our tickets just a few minutes before the bus was scheduled to leave, boarded it, and set off to the Bamboo Sea. About twenty minutes later, the bus stopped at another station to take on more passengers, and we were informed that we had been sold tickets not for today's bus, but for tomorrow's. We were ushered off the bus, and had to make our own way back into Chengdu proper, and then find a place to stay for the night, which was also stressful, as most places were booked up for the busy weekend. However, this evening ended up being our most enjoyable one of the entire trip. There was a free hot-pot dinner at the hostel, delicious half-price cocktails, and we spent the night playing cards, pool, and chatting with interesting people.
The next day, Was spent traveling for the majority of the day. We arrived at a town near the bamboo forest after 9 PM. Luckily, I had been chatting with the owner of an inn earlier that day, and she sent a car to pick us up and take us back to her lodgings. After an adrenaline-pumping car ride down dark, windy roads at break-neck speeds, we had a late dinner and trundled off to bed.
The next morning, we awoke rested and ready to start the day. The morning was a beautiful one, clear and sunny after a storm the day before. We ate a hearty breakfast and headed out to see the park.
And that is when the day began to go downhill. The three day weekend meant a HUGE influx of tourists. At the bottom of the mountain, we waited for nearly 3 hours in line just to take the cable car to the top of the mountain. The ride was quite beautiful, but definitely not worth 3 hours. Once we reached the park itself, it was disappointingly touristy and crowded. Vendors lined the streets of an "old town", selling cheap souvenirs. And there weren't really any walking trails, just roads crowded with honking cars and throngs of tourists. The best part of the day was when we became fed up with the roads and finally found a small hidden trail that went off into the bamboo forest itself. While walking along, we came across an old man gathering plants. He spoke very, very thick Sichuan dialect but through a few basic sentences and gestures, he brought us back to his house which was a small building hidden away in the middle of this massive forest.
He showed us around the house and told us how he had built his own irrigation system from a mountain spring, then gave us boiled water to drink as well as a glass of terribly strong alcohol. For a while, we just sat on his porch together, enjoying the cool mountain air while he quietly prepared food for his dinner, chatting a little every now and then.
All too soon it was time to leave, since we had to head back to the cable car to get back down the mountain. We said our goodbyes, and then wandered back out into the forest and towards the cable car station, where the honking of horns and crowds awaited us.
After another hour wait, we were on our way back down the mountain.
After the last few days, we decided to head straight home without attempting to stop at Zigong. The bus ride back was even more stressful, since we had not purchased our tickets beforehand. The bus that went straight back to Chengdu was totally sold out, so we had to go a roundabout way, switching buses in Yibin and then again in Chengdu to get back to Pengshan. It was a long, weary day of bus rides and I was never so thankful to be back in my small little city.
While this trip did have its good parts, its real value was opening my eyes to the joys of my current life. After a frantic, stressful weekend away from home, I was so grateful for the security, stability, and familiarity of Pengshan. It's funny how a change of perspective can make you feel completely differently about something.
The other contributing factor to cheering me up came, surprisingly, from facebook. In the week leading up to my trip to the Bamboo Sea, my facebook feed was riddled with posts from 100 Happy Days: a challenge to take a picture and post about something that makes you happy, for 100 days in a row. I liked the idea of it and so, after returning from my trip, decided to give it a try. Since then, I've been looking at life not as a bland monotony, but instead through the lens of all the little things that make me happy, whether it's a cup of coffee, my pet birds, or a fun cycling trip.
Since then, you'll be happy to know that I've recovered my joie de vivre. I'm determined to throw myself back into life here in Pengshan, and thoroughly enjoy my last few months in this fascinating country. The world will not come to me; I must be the one to go out and appreciate it.
